I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
