I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
