Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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