yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
