Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
