he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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