I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
third nipple confirmed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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