also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
