Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
