She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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