I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
