I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
