So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
