I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
