You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
