Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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