Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
