Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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