just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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