Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
