This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
