Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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