U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
