Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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