omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
