Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
