they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
