I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize