dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
