the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Actions speak louder than pants.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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