My liver just broke up with me...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize