God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
