Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
