Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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