that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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