So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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