Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
