Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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