my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
