in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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