Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
