I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
