I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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