Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize