no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize