she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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