His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize