you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
