my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
