YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
