we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
