Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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