i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
