My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's rum buckets o'clock
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize