my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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