i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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