where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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