Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
