Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
