Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
