I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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