I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
